The first step to overcome your weakness is to accept its presence in the first place and then to acknowledge the deficiency and fight it anyway.
This world is divided into two type of people. First are the strong and brave people who have learned enough from their life experiences and know the realities of life. Secondly, we have a special category of soft-hearted creampies who are extremely sensitive and vulnerable. Today we are going to talk about these sensitive people in our society as they need special attention. They are the real jewels and we all are responsible for their protection. I have seen many people complaining about panic attacks, social anxiety, melancholy, self-harm, suicide by referring to themselves as psychopaths, melancholic introverts, mentally unfit, trash, useless and what not. I want to clear this one thing to them that they are the real champs! They are the creamy frosting while the rest of the society is like the hard cookie beneath them. They are like the cotton candy while the rest of us are like the hard stick beneath it.
I am not going to say that everything’s gonna be alright and I feel very sorry for you as I do not! You are as normal as any human being on this earth so why should I be feeling sorry for you? You are all the real champions so instead of feeling sorry I must be congratulating you all for being special. Congratulations for being the most alive people out there. Congratulations that love, care, and sensitivity is alive because of you guys. Congratulations that harsh people are still alive due to your tolerance.
I would like to write a quote for you people here:
“Goodness is like sunshine that floods all the universe whereas, evil is darkness and darkness remains there until the daylight steps in.”
To be sensitive is perfectly okay! It is not a mental or physical illness. We are all different and unique. Some are rigid while others are soft. This is how life is and its totally fine. Without rigid people, there would be no recognition of soft ones and if one day, we somehow manage to get rid of hard people, how could you differentiate between special and regular people? Sensitive people are the only source of spreading love and humbleness in our society. But, my point is that even if you guys are doing such an amazing job, still you are going to face criticism and harshness. Even harsh people also face criticism. It’s not like you are the only sufferers. People will never let you be happy. So, I am here to tell you cream pies that how can you protect yourselves from melting due to the heat of harshness and criticism. So the first step to moving forward is acceptance of your softness and sensitivity. Accepted?
Great! But sweetie, what took you so long to realize and accept this reality?
We never thought this way. We always blamed ourselves for umm… just nothing actually!
Yes, Its all about perceptions! Its all in your head.
What actually is life and what are our complaints about life?
Famous philosopher Schopenhauer says that “All life is suffering”. By this, he means that all life, that is, everything that lives and strives, is filled with suffering. Life wants, and because its wants are mostly unfulfilled, it exists largely in a state of unfulfilled striving and deprivation. Schopenhauer says that:
All willing springs from lack, from deficiency, and thus from suffering. Fulfillment brings this to an end; yet for one wish that is fulfilled there remain at least ten that are denied.
(Die Welt, Vol-I, p 196)
Life is a recursion of need and fulfilment. We usually confuse that lack or need with suffering because it usually depends on which circumstances we are encountering that deficiency in. The most famous complaint that we have in life is about its hardships. So just listen up sugar cakes, life never plays easy on anyone. The hardships that we face are one way or another an outcome of our weaknesses and ignorance. Life never favours anyone. We all have dreams and goals in life but not all the dreams come true. Just keep this in mind that the wishes which get fulfilled are our reward for overcoming any deficiency while the ones that get denied are all a delusion. So, try to overcome the weaknesses that you possess and work hard to fill the gaps. This is the only way to remove this complaint. Keep trying and don’t give up as trying is the only key to minimize your sufferings and hardships in life as it is impossible that a person will suffer forever while he is continuously trying. Life is just like a river that never stops. It is ever moving and each sunrise brings a new day. The famous philosopher, Heraclitus also says that:
“You can never step twice into the same river.”
Live up to your expectations rather than running in the race to please everybody:
You only live once so live it as you want. Be happy and spread happiness because the world needs you. You guys are the cotton candy machine. The toddlers who crave happiness out there will die disappointed if you won’t be there anymore. This life is your storybook and trust me you are the only author of it. Be the hero of your story and the villain and the fairy and the demon of your story. Do not let people play any other part than that of “the audience”. And you know it is the right of audience to either love or hate, criticize or admire your performance. Let people play their part and you play yours. Whatever you do, keep this in mind that the childhood of many pleasure seeker toddlers will devastate if you won’t be there for them. While playing the part of the hero, always keep this in mind:
“Heroes aren’t always the ones who win. They’re the ones who lose, sometimes. But they keep fighting, they keep coming back. They don’t give up. That’s what makes them heroes.”
— Cassandra Clare, Lady Midnight
Stop running to impress people and breathe for yourself. Stay real! Be who you are. You were not brought to this world to impress people and you, trying to do so, eventually dies one day as it is impossible to please people.
How to minimize your Expectations:
“The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of ones negative experience is itself a positive experience.”
It is the human nature to want for more and more, to crave for better and the best. This chain can never break. It’s true that we should be struggling for the improvement. But becoming a slave to this lust loses your identity. If you are always in a struggle to please everybody then your originality will be lost behind. And a day will come that these people will leave one by one as it is the universal law that nothing lasts forever. And on that day, you will be lost. You will try hard to find yourself but you will never remember for whom, for which face, for which human being you killed your identity and where is it buried. You will be lost. The pretty face you are falling for will only be with you as long as your face is pretty. The wealth you are craving for will monetize you as long as you’re healthy and sound. The lovely friend you are sacrificing everything for will be loyal until she would find a better friend than you.
“Those people whose opinions we cared so much about are no longer present in our lives. Rejections that were painful in the moment have actually worked out for the best.”
Life is meant to be difficult, but it is absolutely okay. People are never happy with the life because of too many expectations they have with people and life. They fail to admit things are not always going to work out. Its okay if it sucks sometimes. Mark Manson clearly stated the truth behind self-blaming, suicides, self-harms and anxiety of people. He says:
“Because when we believe that its not okay for things to suck sometimes, we then unconsciously start blaming ourselves. We start to feel as though something is inherently wrong with us, which derives us to all sorts of over compensations”
Ultimately, we all think about ourselves. Some people are born selfish while others realize it with time and experiences. Being selfish is not a bad connotation as long as you are fair with everything and as long as your selfishness is not harming anybody. As soon as your selfishness become harmful, it means you are being a monster to this society. Great philosopher Alan Watt says:
“The Backwards Law”- the idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place.”
Be confident in your decisions and cherish the moment. Work hard to improve yourself but don’t stick to this ever-growing disease of thanklessness and ungratefulness. This will lead you nowhere but to the hellfire.
Be yourself and love what you have:
Emotions are just a small part of life, not the whole life. Just because something feels good doesn’t mean it is good. Just because something feels bad to doesn’t mean it is bad. I went to Jessies with my boyfriend. We ate burgers that literally sucked. Despite the worst experience we had at Jessie’s, I uploaded fancy pictures on Instagram which apparently gave an impression that I ate the best burger in town. It wasn’t for the show-off, but definitely, one of my covert incentives was to get appreciation by others. Another day, we ordered Penne Ariabata pasta and cheesecake at Gloria Jeans. We literally threw 4000 PKR in the trash as we hated honey base pasta while cheesecake was totally rotten. But still, we went to the most expensive cafe in town. So why not upload a fancy selfie? People loved it. I got many comments like Yo girl I envy you, Looks yummy, I feel hungry, How do you manage to pay daily visits of Gloria? and what not. This is the thing actually.
You only see what others allow you to see about them and you only know what others like to let you know about them. So, if apparently, others are happy and your life is a garbage, trust me! their life is as tough or maybe even much screwed up than yours.
What are the main reasons that make you melancholic and depressed:
As I have already mentioned above that people show off thus making others feel bad or feel lack or need for improvement. So, always remember what Shakespeare said: “All that glisters is not gold.” While you start feeling bad, you are bombarded with 100 pictures of happy people, enjoying their lives while you are sitting in your bed scratching your head. This makes us three to four times more anxiety, fear, and guilt-prone. We feel that things aren’t good as they could be and this rips us apart. but your inner peace is what counts more. James Allen says: Build faith and knowledge in yourself and make yourself worthy of better surroundings and wider opportunities. Be sure, that you are making the best of what you have. Do not delude yourself into supposing that you can step into greater advantages while overlooking smaller ones, for if you could, the advantage would be impermanent and you would quickly fall back again in order to learn the lesson which you had neglected.
As the child at school must master one standard before passing onto the next, so,
before you can have that greater good which you so desire, must you faithfully employ that which you already possess. In such situation you should always keep this in mind that key to happiness is not only materialistic James Allen explains the solution to this:
There is no progress apart from unfoldment within, and no sure foothold of prosperity or peace except by orderly advancement in knowledge.
You say you are chained by circumstances; you cry out for better opportunities, for a wider scope, for improved physical conditions, and perhaps you inwardly curse the fate that binds you hand and foot.
It is for you that I write; it is to you that I speak. Listen, and let my words burn themselves into your heart, for that which I say to you is truth:
You may bring about that improved condition in your outward life which you desire, if you will unswervingly resolve to improve your inner life.
I know this pathway looks barren at its commencement (truth always does, it is only error and delusion which are at first inviting and fascinating,) but if you undertake to walk it; if you perseveringly discipline your mind, eradicating your weaknesses, and allowing your soul-forces and spiritual powers to unfold themselves, you will be astonished at the magical changes which will be brought about in your outward life.
Like attracts like, If something is wrong, you need to have a check on yourself:
You must have heard about Karma. What you do, so shall you reap. Sometimes, we think as if we are the least harmful and the most polite person on this earth but it isn’t like that. Nobody’s perfect! Remember this and most of the things in our lives would be easier. Maybe your unintentional misbehaviour leads the other person to be harsh with you. Why do we go to a doctor? Because we accept that we are sick. If we keep denying that we are sick, it would only harm yourself. So, in order to improve your situation and to improve yourself, you must have this thing in mind that I am perfectly imperfect with an urge to improve. James Allen says:
“What you are, so is your world. Everything in the universe is resolved into your own inward experience. It matters little what is without, for it is all a reflection of your own state of consciousness.
It matters everything what you are within, for everything without will be mirrored and coloured accordingly.
All that you positively know is contained in your own experience; all that you ever
will know must pass through the gateway of experience, and so become part of
Your own thoughts, desires, and aspirations comprise your world, and, to you, all
that there is in the universe of beauty and joy and bliss, or of ugliness and sorrow
and pain is contained within yourself.
By your own thoughts you make or mar your life, your world, your universe, As you build within by the power of thought, so will your outward life and circumstances shape themselves accordingly.
Whatsoever you harbour in the inmost chambers of your heart will, sooner or later
by the inevitable law of reaction, shape itself in your outward life.
The soul that is impure, sordid and selfish, is gravitating with unerring precision
toward misfortune and catastrophe; the soul that is pure, unselfish, and noble is
gravitating with equal precision toward happiness and prosperity.
Every soul attracts its own, and nothing can possibly come to it that does not belong to it. To realize this is to recognize the universality of Divine Law.
The incidents of every human life, which both make and mar, are drawn to it by the quality and power of its own inner thought-life. Every soul is a complex combination of gathered experiences and thoughts, and the body is but an improvised vehicle for its manifestation.”
What, therefore, your thoughts are, that is your real self; and the world around, both animate and inanimate wears the aspect with which your thoughts clothe it.
Two methodologies people adapt to escape anxiety that actually leads you to worst anxiety:
Mark Manson explains two type of people who fall into the deepest trenches of anxiety, depression, anger, and melancholy. If you are doing this, you need to stop this as this is an alarming situation. You can either deny the reality nor blame people for your circumstances. Because philosophy and spiritual phenomena clearly say that you always receive what you reflect. You only absorb the energies that you reflect. See, sometimes we are doing wrong without any wrong intentions. So, it doesn’t make you a bad person. All it needs is courage! Courage to accept and to change. These two wrong methodologies that people adapt to avoid anxiety are:
- Denial: Some people deny that their problems exist in the first place. And because they deny reality, they might feel good for a short time. But ultimately, they will be left in chaos and mental stress later on. As reality can never be denied.
- Victim Mentality: Some choose to believe that they cant do anything about their problems even when they actually could. Victims seem to blame others for their problems or blame outside circumstances. This may lead them to feel relieved for a small time, but it will lead them to anger and depression later on.
Life Changing Question and its Solution:
We always ask people what are their strengths? what do they want in life? and what can they do? But we never ask this life-changing question from our children, spouses, and colleagues. That life-changing question is asked by Mark Manson in his book, Subtle Art of not giving a Fuck. The question is:
A more interesting question that most people never consider, is, “What pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for?”
We can change our lives if we adopt this approach. We must take out some time to think about this and trust me when you start thinking about what you can lose, what sacrifices are you willing to give in your life, you will feel like a victor rather than a victim. Life won’t be snatching things from you anymore because you were ready for it and in fact, you already took the precautions and know the remedies.
Happiness comes from solving problems. Remember! “solving” is the key here.
“He, who puts his hand in fire must suffer the burning until he drags himself out of it. Neither curses nor prayers can be availed to alter it”
You are YOU and nobody can ever replace YOU. Live yourself, Love yourself and never let yourself go as you are the cotton candy machines, the chocolate confectioneries and the sweet popcorns for this society. You are the love factories. Never let yourselves go or else the world will run out of love. And to never let yourself go, you have to practice hard for the final match as the final match is always tough for soft creampies like you.
Stay put, Stay firm and don’t let the magic stop…